Life in my Snow Globe...

Hi all!!

In case you do not know this, I go to a church called Momentum and I love it!!!  My pastor is great at preaching sermons that easily relate to life situations.  This past Sunday he spoke about life in a snow globe.  He talked about how snowglobes are perfectly contained little scenes inside a ball of glass.  But normal people don't live in snowglobes...our lives are not perfectly contained in a round, Christmas-y, shiny, glass ball.

Then I watched the movie "Elf" today.  Now I know many of you probably aren't huge fans of the movie.  Or maybe you are.  Yes, Will Ferrell isn't always known for his clean sense of humor but he really showed some skill in playing a human raised by Santa's elves in this family film.  Anyway, back to the snow globe...

As you can see in the lovely picture above, Buddy is holding his snow globe of New York City that Papa Elf gave him before he heads to the big city to find his biological dad.  Buddy is very naive and is given lots of advice by Papa Elf about how New York City is not what might be imagined from looking at the snow globe.  All throughout the movie, we see that Buddy is obviously not quite aware of the reality of human life.  Why should he be?  He spent his whole life in the fantasy land of the North Pole and is only connection to real life was a picture of his birth parents and a snow globe with a tiny New York City skyline.  When he begins to feel the sting of what it can really be like to be a human, Buddy gets discouraged.  I am sure he felt that this trip to find his dad had not turned out as planned.  Instead of making snow angels, ice skating, eating a whole roll of Tollhouse cookie dough as fast as he can, and snuggling with his dad, Buddy was let down.  Until the end when Santa showed up and everyone had Christmas spirit and yay!!!! (not real life...lol)  Also, sorry for the spoilers.

Now, to tie it all together.  Sometimes I, personally, feel like Buddy the Elf.  I view life through my little snow globe of possibilities and I end up getting let down.  Often it is because I am just to darn idealistic.  My pastor talked on Sunday about how we sing "I'm Dreaming of a White Christmas" in celebration of the holiday season and all the happiness it is supposed to bring, but not everyone will be dreaming this Christmas.  Some people will be morning the loss of a child, like the parents of the Sandy Hook elementary students.  Some people will be struggling to pay their bills and put Christmas dinner on the table, not to mention the gifts for the kids!  Some people will be battling addictions and hiding their pain from their relatives, trying to be "normal" for Christmas supper.

Then there's my situation. This holiday season has found my husband and I will a bit of a financial crunch.  Pay cuts and numerous bills (like the hundreds of dollars on my cat's vet bills), doctor visits, and buying Christmas gifts has caused some stress.  Our snow globe has been all shook up.  I remember today how I had planned on my husband getting a Christmas bonus like he did last year and planning how we would use it.  When he said he wasn't sure he was getting one, I started to panic.  Having extra money around the holiday season makes everything better.  Finally, I began to accept that it may not happen.  Then he comes home today with a holiday bonus that was even better than last year's.  Funny how things work out...(it was God, definitely).

Another part of my situation that I will discuss is the fact that I have been very idealistic when it comes to career choices.  I am so idealistic that it took me two years to settle on a major!!  I wanted to save the world, and I changed career options like Taylor Swift changes boyfriends (see what I did there? :-p).  Finally, I decided on social work.  I was going to save the world through caring and helping people.  *cue "awwws", warm fuzzies, and soft baby kittens*

Here's the problem: I do not live in a snow globe.  You might be wondering how this ties in, but I will get there.  My snow globe included me getting my degree, going on to grad school, hopefully getting a doctorate, and a counseling license.  I would start my own practice or work in a college somewhere teaching or counseling.  I would help people.  It wasn't till a few Sundays ago when I was sitting in church and God hit me with a ton of heavenly bricks: He said I needed to reconsider my career plans.

Whoa, God, hold up.  What?  But I was going to help people!!  You are helping people, He reminded me.  I thought of my preschool class, which I teach a couple of Sundays out of the month.  I was presented with the idea of ministry.  Before, I thought that I was not cut out for ministry.  I went to a very strict private Christian school in high school and I joined their servant leadership program.  There, I was told that I was not meant to be a leader or a teacher.  God wanted me to be in background.  So I assumed that I was just cut out to be the person at church who cleans the bathroom or hands out flyers, not someone who teaches a class of 12 + preschoolers on Sunday morning.  Suddenly, it hit me.  I'm already in ministry.  For some reason or another, I was simply under the impression that ministry was not a life long thing for me.  That Sunday, I felt God showing me that it is.  All the sudden, my desire to get a PhD has turned into a desire to learn more about children's ministry.

Don't get me wrong...maybe someday I will get a PhD.  But I have realized that I was putting education and school as a higher priority than God.  I was living in my snow globe dreaming away while ignoring the fact that I had almost forgotten to ask God about what I should be doing.  Education is great.  In fact, my degree will be really valuable to me in children's ministry.  The internship I did with DFCS will be valuable as well.  Who knows if I will end up working with someone through a DFCS situation someday and can share God's love to them and their children?  God allows everything to happen for a reason.  He has given me numerous opportunities to grow in ministry.  I have awesome leadership in the children's ministry at Momentum and they have taught me what it means to serve.  My snow globe may have been all shook up again, but it's okay, because God knows what He's doing.

My end point is this: dreaming is a good thing.  It can be detrimental to us as Christians, however, when we put our own dreams for ourselves ahead of God's plan.  God's plan may not always be what we "dreamed of", but it is definitely better than our wildest imagination.  If you choose to live in God's plan rather than your own snow globe of your own plans, you will not be disappointed.  God knows what's best for us, even when it doesn't make sense.

That's all for now.

As a side note, I think every person should watch Elf in honor of Christmas because it's hilarious and heartwarming.

Time to go finish my banana muffins for my husband to bring to his work!

Love to my readers, and remember: The best way to spread Christmas cheer is singing loud for all to hear!

Sincerely,
Julia

Plans...

¹¹ For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. ¹² Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. ¹³ You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. ¹⁴ I will be found by you,” declares the Lord
<sup>Jeremiah 29:11

Today I thought a lot about the above verse.  Lately, I've been thinking so much about my future.  2011 and 2012 have been big years for me.  I got engaged and married in 2011.  Throughout this year, I have turned 21, finished my junior year of college, changed jobs, interned, and all while trying to adjust to married life.  I've grown closer to people, made new friends, and grown apart from others.  I've learned more about where I stand on many political and spiritual stances.  My classes, especially around election time, have shown me how much I cannot stand what I call Collegiate brainwashing in which almost everyone in the classes took on the political and moral stances of the professors.  I have seen many friends and class mates go through hard times, whether it be medical issues, break-ups, death in the family, or loss of a job.  Overall, I feel like I've grown up so fast and that I need to slow down...

In other ways, I feel that I still get treated like a child.  Maybe it's because, in academia and even in the church community, older, more experienced people feel they know what's best for your life.  I daresay this happens more to me with church going folks than at school.  At school, I am mostly trained in how to be "culturally Competent" (which mostly means politically correct) and told that I need to get my master's and a PHD.  why?  because I live in the age of female independence.  Even though I am married, I feel that I am looked down upon if I finish college and choose not to become some career woman on the fast track to success.  Like our government, my college emphasizes the importance of birth control and my right to exercise choice on when i want to have children (Nevermind that I have a husband who plays a pretty important role in that whole process).  Being a homemaker is the thing of the past.  For some in academia, being a married woman is overrated.  If you get a Phd or a law degree or own your own company, you could support yourself and  not have to worry about marriage or children getting in the way...  Besides, the economy stinks right now and professors know I will have a hard time getting a job so why not encourage me to stay a student for the next 4-5 years?  Plus I will encumber even more debt and the government will have an even tighter grip on my hard earned money once I graduate and begin to pay the enormous loans.  But it's okay, they tell me.  It'll pay off in the end. 

Onto the  church people.  I am not calling any of my church family on the carpet.  I am more referring to people I have met along the way who are well-meaning, but seem to think that they know what God would want for me.  Many times I have been told that I should not try to prevent having a family.  God will give me all the children I need when I need them.  Others say that God gave me a brain.  He gave me the intelligence to not bring a child into the world when i am young, naive, and not financially "set" (although I hear older parents complain about the cost of children all the time)!  Some people tell me that college will separate me from God.  It will give me scientific or logical ways to represent life that will replace my need for God's sovereignty.  Others argue that I need to see my college campus as a mission field and try and be a light to the community of fellow college students to combat their drunken, overly-sexualized party animal lifestyles (okay I exaggerated that a little...).  A lot of people are concerned that being in the social work field will turn me into a godless bleeding heart leftist who believes that everyone should get on welfare and have abortions.  

Others have been much more supportive than the two extremes I've presented.  Level-headed coworkers and college professors who admire my aspiration to stop getting in debt for the sake of an advanced degree that may or may not guarantee a  job and understand that I may wait until I have saved money to pursue it.  An awesome church family who pray with me and support me throughout this journey called life.  A great pastor who provides guidance on sunday mornings that I can apply to my life.  A very hardworking caring, and supportive husband who admires my tenacity for doing the best i can at everything and gently reminds me that my best is no good without God backing me up....then there are my friends who keep me smiling and help me relax despite seemingly endless homework assignments and projects.  My family supports me and reminds me that they are always willing to help me whenever i am in need.

With the above blessings mentioned, why do I still worry about how my life is going?  I constantly find myself worrying about the perfect plan for life.  Do I graduate in July and then go on to my Master's before looking for work?  Or do I work for a few years and save up?  What if I get pregnant and never go back to school?  Hmm...what about houses?  A house is a dream of mine, but I worry about that too.  What if I can't find the right one?  What if Chris and I have an emergency and we get stuck with a mortgage we can't pay? Children...supposedly gifts from God and bundles of joy.  How long should I wait to have children?  People at school say after PhD...30's maybe?  Others suggest having them while I am still young so I have the energy to care for them.  Do I stay at home with the kids or continue to try and further my career while I allow my children to sit in daycare all day?  What if I can't afford daycare?  What if I have kids too early?  People would probably judge me for having a child before i am "ready" or "old enough" or "can afford a child".  Surely I would lose friends because hanging out with a lady who has kids is no fun.  There are so many reasons not to have children these days anyway...I've even heard some say "wait till we get a republican back in office".  That could be 12 more years!!  Surely I could not wait that long...but I could probably get my PhD.  And be in debt up to my eyeballs...and probably not able to afford my dream house...and waiting tables after my day job to afford the loan payments.  What about getting a good job with that PhD?/  hmm....I may never get anywhere with it...

As I look back over all my processing of these jumbled thoughts, i realize one thing: These are all my thoughts about things that have not happened and, to some extent, are out of my control.  One thing I often forget is that I can plan, but God is the one who knows the big picture.  I only see a small fraction of His grand scheme.  Another thing I realize as I read that paragraph: I have hard time letting go and letting God handle things.  Who cares if  I don't get a PhD?  I doubt any of the professors I know today would even remember me in a few years.  Honestly, I still don't feel at peace when I pray about graduate school, so I am holding that possibility loosely at the moment.  Besides, my hubby is working hard to get his degree while working full time and I would love to be able to cheer him on as he works on getting toward graduation without worrying about all the debt I gained by getting a master's right away. 

The house thing...the Lord tells us in the book of Matthew that he cares for the sparrows.  That means that if He cares enough that one sparrow does not fall to the ground without His notice, He certainly cares about my needs.  Right now, Chris and i have stable housing.  As I have learned through my internship this past semester, others in Cherokee county are not so fortunate.  and the whole issue of getting a mortgage and then loosing the finances to keep it up...I have realized that many people face that risk.  In fact, I am sure many of us could not make it long without our jobs (or without our spouse's job).  I heard so many stories about people will fantastic, high paying jobs, loosing everything in the "great Recession" we are dealing with in our country.  nothing is certain.  But that does not mean God will not meet our needs.  It may seem impossible, but nothing is impossible with god.

Lastly, children...this is a hot topic, I feel.  I have been advised numerous times to finish college before having a baby.  I am totally cool with that.  Fortunately, I am almost done with college and I plan to finish baby-free.  But I am facing another reality entirely: a society in which I feel I am being told to have children.  I have read numerous articles about how it is more popular for women to get established in their careers first and it's okay to wait to have children.  Heck, you can even have fun while you're getting your education and launching your career because Obamacare will give you free birth control.  Pregnant women or women with children who are in my classes are often looked at by other single women or women without children as being "stupid".  "She should have waited", I hear often.  Then what about the "oops" babies?  Honestly, I think it sucks that even women who are married are ragged on about "oops" babies.  Do you think those children will get to heaven one day and God will say: "Oh, yeah, you're that accident that happened because your parents were being stupid and not thinking about the right time to have babies!"  No!  No human being is an accident in God's eyes.  Why do we judge?  Then i realized, I am most afraid of this part of my future because I feel so much pressure to have children at the "right time".  And why shouldn't I have them at the right time?  I can get free birth control now in our progressive and "woman-centered" society".  But lately, God has been showing me that choosing when to have children is between me, my husband, and God.  Yes I want to provide the best life I can for my future children and I want to get my education finished, but I should worry that if a baby comes a little sooner into my life than I expected, that it makes me any less of a good, intelligent, sensible person.  (A side note, I am not currently "baby-crazed" or anything like that.  Mostly i am just irritated that society today seems to think it knows the correct time for women to be having children, etc....)  As a person who works in children's ministry, I know that every child is special and I just wanted to shout out to all the great mom's out there, including mine and Chris's, who have brought children up right despite difficult circumstances.

I leave you, reader, with this:  If you have been feeling like I have about your future, remember that God has great plans for you.  As I have learned, it can be easy to worry about making plans that "fit" with what others suggest or with what society demands.  Remember, God's plans do not conform to the pattern of this world.  We can only see a small chunk of the mural that He has painted for us.  Whether you are worried about finances, finding work, continuing your education, finishing your education, starting a family, or simply worrying about how to get through the rest of the week, rest assured that God has a plan for you.  In the verse, God says that "you will seek me with all your heart and I will be found by you."  This provided great comfort to me.  I have my plans, but I am holding them loosely.  I am seeking God's face and I will adjust my plans according to what i feel He wants for me.  And I trust that He will show me the path to take.  He can show you too.  He has a purpose for all of us.  We just may not see it yet...

God bless you, readers!
Love,
Julia</sup>