I am going to be brutally, painstakingly honest in this post. Lately I have been feeling that my life can be considered mediocre at best. From realizing that I am not the best author in the world to getting denied for scholarships because there were others who were more "academically qualified" than me to planning a budget wedding, I find myself wallowing in my own discouragement. I have a strong Choleric side to my temperament (for those of you who do not know temperament lingo, a Choleric is a mover and hates feeling like a failure)and it has manifested itself often for my whole life. I remember telling my parents when I was 10 that I was going to drop out of my dance for the Nutcracker Ballet because I wasn't the best and the teacher kept getting annoyed with me. I felt that she had no right to treat me the way she was and I was sick of being embarrassed in front of my classmates because I could do the dances well enough.
I've always been a type "A" personality. This has caused me a lot of unneeded stress. Who wants to spend their whole life competing with friends and family to have things they will never have and be someone they will never be? Well, that's what I've been trying to do for years. I have never felt good enough by my own standards. Heck, I am not even good enough by the standards of other people (take the scholarship committee at KSU, for example). I realize that to people like my fiancee and my family and friends, I am someone very special. However, I need to learn to be happy with that fact alone and stop trying to make everyone else in the world feel that same way about me. I love having a support system who is always proud of my achievements. Sometimes, they still were not able to convince me to not quit something just because I only got average results. There was a time when I wanted to quit college. I felt that I couldn't master anything and I would never find something I was truly good at. Finally, I found something I love and have a passion for and can also get really good grades in, too. Sociology is a passion of mine and I intend to get a job in that field or relating to that field, even if it is kind of a mediocre job.
In sociological theory, there are two major viewpoints. One is Conflict Theory, which focuses on society teaching that the rich should oppress the poor. There is not much room for middle class in this form of society. I lean more towards the functionalist viewpoint. In a functionalist society, it is necessary to have a low, middle, and upper class. I feel that financially, my family has always been middle class. Technically, my fiancee and I will still be considered on the low end of the middle class financially when we move out because we make more than $18 K a year combined. So we will have a "just okay" yearly salary with a "just okay" little apartment and some "just okay" health insurance and an average sized TV. We won't be nothing special. What's the use in keeping up with the Jones's when the Jones's are people we can never be?
The reality is that Chris (my fiancee) and I play important roles in society. We are both working on college educations, which will improve our salaries and get us better health benefits. We will then be able to buy a house and maybe a new car. We're just two hard working people who are really stubborn. We usually don't give up, even if we aren't the best. And that's what make society work. If everyone who is not the richest or the most powerful member of society gives up, we end up with a small upper class and a huge lower class just waiting for the benevolence of one of the rich guys to help them afford toilet paper. That is not the ideal for society. What I have realized is that I may not be anyone special. I may not be a good enough writer or singer to become famous. I may never earn a doctorate degree or win national recognition for some huge career advancement or achievement. However, God still wants me to keep living and doing the best I can. Why should I try to be the best when God tells me to consider others better than myself? It's not about being the best. It's about loving God and loving others.
One more area in life where I feel mediocre is my wedding. I know that it is going to be one of the most memorable days of my life. I will be ecstatic either way. But I can't help feeling that my good friend who is getting married next year will have a much nicer wedding. I can't help but feeling that my friends who got married last year had better weddings than I will have. So-and-So had or will have a more expensive wedding dress than me, what's-her-name has a bigger diamond on her ring than I do, and the Who's-its are going to have more people at their wedding. Why do women have to be so competitive??? I don't want to be a remake of the movie Bride Wars!! Kate Hudson and Anne Hathaway did good enough as it is...
Sometimes it's just very easy to get caught up in what everyone else is doing. Why should I try to make my wedding be just like someone else's? Better yet, why should go into debt up to my eyeballs in order to have a more expensive, fancier wedding than my friends? That's not what it's all about! It's about me and my fiancee sharing our love for each other and making a commitment to stay together in front of our family and friends. I don't keep to wear a dress shaped like a cream puff and have a diamond as big as a ring pop candy to prove that I am in love. Weddings have become too much of a competition and too much about social status and less about the sacred bond that the bride and groom make with one another. I know that my wedding will be special because it is the day that I leave my mother and father and my groom and I will become one flesh. there's no point in trying to one up anyone, especially not for your wedding.
So, long story short, I am still considering myself average, middle class, slightly mediocre, but fulfilled through God. Having all the prestige and riches in the world could not make me as a happy and satisfied as the love of my Savior. I still want money and I still want to be the best and most popular person I can be, but I am not trying so hard to reach those goals. From here on out, I take things one day at a time and rely on God to fulfill me and let Him lift me up rather than me trying to do so myself. It's funny how God knocks people off of their pedestals. He has done that with me because I often get a little too proud of myself. It may not seem evident to those around me, but it happens. Whether I vocalize it or not, I greatly value personal achievement. However, I value my relationship with God and my relationship with my loved ones enough to stop striving for what I can't have. Climbing to the top of the ladder of success is not worth risking relationships and friendships. Thank God I realized this before it was too late.
There's my very honest blog post! I hope you readers have a great rest of the week!
Love,
Julia
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
Monday, June 13, 2011
The blinding power of love...
If there is one thing I have learned from my three and a half years of being in a relationship, it's that my wonderful and amazing fiancee is not always perfect. He has had to realize that I am not perfect. Especially in fights/issues that pop up between our mutual friends, Chris and I have had to learn not to be biased toward one another just because we are in a relationship. Nothing bugs me more than the couples who will defend each other to no end and not acknowledge the fact that they are both capable of doing something wrong...
GASP! - you may say. "Are you telling me that my perfect, beautiful, amazing significant other could have done something wrong? That is not possible! They are always just misunderstood by others and it's not their fault."
This is the most destructive thing for a relationship, in my opinion. You need to understand 1. that you are capable of doing something wrong, 2. that your spouse/significant other/fiancee is capable of doing wrong, 3. that you both need to not automatically assume that each other is right when confronted by an outside party about some misunderstanding.
Take for example, a situation between a group of friends. Some of the friends happen to be in a relationship with one another. Chris and I are being told that we are doing wrong but when we are wronged, the other parties involved say:
"Well, my boyfriend could not have done that. Chris is just overreacting!" Or "My girlfriend is a saint and handles her emotions very well. Julia is just having one of those emotional girl episodes and you (Chris) need to control her better."
Can I tell you all that this has happened to Chris and I before? It's childish, it's stupid, and it's really melodramatic. But guess, we all do it. We all get involved in it. No one wants their side of the story to be the one that gets the blame. Unfortunately, there are some personalities who have the charisma to get everyone they love to stand up for them, even when they are wrong. As a child, my parents were not the ones to say:
"My baby would never do that!"
if they got a bad behavior report about me. They would talk to the parties involved, determine what happened, and give me the proper share of the blame. This way, I have learned that in most disagreement, some blame goes to all parties involved.
Please, those of you in relationships out there, don't hurt friendships by constantly defending your significant other. If your loved one does something to hurt one of your mutual friends, realize that there is always more to an argument than what it appears on the surface. Realize that either party in the relationship will be reluctant to take any blame and realize that just because one of the people involved is in a romantic relationship with you, that you don't have to pretend that they did nothing wrong.
Being in a relationship with someone means being able to see the good and bad in the other person and being able to help reinforce the good things and help to reduce the bad traits. It's a mutual thing. I am very against coddling your partner because it tends to drain you, always having to defend them like your their angry parent after they got into a fight with someone on the playground. Treat them as your equal and your friend. You would not let your best friend do something stupid, why would you excuse your significant other's stupid choices? If you are afraid to speak up to your significant other when they are blatantly wrong, then there are other issues going on. You need to know them and trust them well enough that if they are being stupid, you will say something and that you are being stupid, they will say something to you.
Being in a relationship is not about spoiling each other. It's about building each other up and being accountable to one another. Many couples are successfully able to help one another overcome weaknesses and build on strengths. That is what I desire my marriage to be like. That is why I will say that I know I can be stupid and I know Chris can be stupid. However, we can work together to overcome our difficulties. If we are unable to see that each one of us has a capability for being wrong, it will make our relationship and our social life quite complicated.
That is all! I hope that no one took this as a "diss" or "bash". I am not perfect. I am just writing about something I have observed and seen happening in myself and I wanted to share some insight I gained.
Thanks,
Julia
GASP! - you may say. "Are you telling me that my perfect, beautiful, amazing significant other could have done something wrong? That is not possible! They are always just misunderstood by others and it's not their fault."
This is the most destructive thing for a relationship, in my opinion. You need to understand 1. that you are capable of doing something wrong, 2. that your spouse/significant other/fiancee is capable of doing wrong, 3. that you both need to not automatically assume that each other is right when confronted by an outside party about some misunderstanding.
Take for example, a situation between a group of friends. Some of the friends happen to be in a relationship with one another. Chris and I are being told that we are doing wrong but when we are wronged, the other parties involved say:
"Well, my boyfriend could not have done that. Chris is just overreacting!" Or "My girlfriend is a saint and handles her emotions very well. Julia is just having one of those emotional girl episodes and you (Chris) need to control her better."
Can I tell you all that this has happened to Chris and I before? It's childish, it's stupid, and it's really melodramatic. But guess, we all do it. We all get involved in it. No one wants their side of the story to be the one that gets the blame. Unfortunately, there are some personalities who have the charisma to get everyone they love to stand up for them, even when they are wrong. As a child, my parents were not the ones to say:
"My baby would never do that!"
if they got a bad behavior report about me. They would talk to the parties involved, determine what happened, and give me the proper share of the blame. This way, I have learned that in most disagreement, some blame goes to all parties involved.
Please, those of you in relationships out there, don't hurt friendships by constantly defending your significant other. If your loved one does something to hurt one of your mutual friends, realize that there is always more to an argument than what it appears on the surface. Realize that either party in the relationship will be reluctant to take any blame and realize that just because one of the people involved is in a romantic relationship with you, that you don't have to pretend that they did nothing wrong.
Being in a relationship with someone means being able to see the good and bad in the other person and being able to help reinforce the good things and help to reduce the bad traits. It's a mutual thing. I am very against coddling your partner because it tends to drain you, always having to defend them like your their angry parent after they got into a fight with someone on the playground. Treat them as your equal and your friend. You would not let your best friend do something stupid, why would you excuse your significant other's stupid choices? If you are afraid to speak up to your significant other when they are blatantly wrong, then there are other issues going on. You need to know them and trust them well enough that if they are being stupid, you will say something and that you are being stupid, they will say something to you.
Being in a relationship is not about spoiling each other. It's about building each other up and being accountable to one another. Many couples are successfully able to help one another overcome weaknesses and build on strengths. That is what I desire my marriage to be like. That is why I will say that I know I can be stupid and I know Chris can be stupid. However, we can work together to overcome our difficulties. If we are unable to see that each one of us has a capability for being wrong, it will make our relationship and our social life quite complicated.
That is all! I hope that no one took this as a "diss" or "bash". I am not perfect. I am just writing about something I have observed and seen happening in myself and I wanted to share some insight I gained.
Thanks,
Julia
Wednesday, June 8, 2011
Another Shameless Plug for my Novel...and Some other Stuff!
So...if you haven't already heard through my facebook page, you can now buy a paperback copy of my novel, Exceptions, on Amazon.com! If you have an Amazon Prime account, you can get free two day shipping.
I will now be ADD for a minute and vent about Amazon Prime.
I ordered two movies for my Anthropology class this summer that I must view and analyze in a three page paper from an Anthropological perspective. I ordered them Friday evening and Amazon said they would be at my house by Tuesday, June 7th. Well, it's June 8th and they just now got to Woodstock. Hmmm....not so speedy, Amazon.
Anyway, please check out my novel on Amazon and also on Amazon Kindle. I know some people are more tech savvy and like ebooks better.
Only 6 months a few days until I get married! That fact just hit me today. I will be starting a new job soon, so I will have two jobs. I changed my major so now I only have one class picked out for fall and I am waiting until July 18th to hopefully sign up for some more! I really need more than just one class, even though I am getting married at the end of the Fall semester. Overall, life has been great. My summer classes are going well so far. I have found approximately seven errors with the online Anthropology course that were made by my professor. Don't they train her on how to set up the online quizzes? First, she says they all have unlimited attempts and one random quiz had only five attempts and the final quiz had only one. Next, she was supposed to have the computer only record our highest attempt on the quizzes so that we could earn the max points on the quiz portion of the class grade. Well, so far, the first four quizzes did that and now they are all only recording the first grade you get. I have pointed out every one of these mistakes in very respectful emails to my teacher. I am still waiting on extra credit for saving my class mate's butts :-P Something tells me being observant doesn't always get you extra credit in college, lol.
That's all I got going on for now. Check out my Book on Amazon!
Love,
Julia
I will now be ADD for a minute and vent about Amazon Prime.
I ordered two movies for my Anthropology class this summer that I must view and analyze in a three page paper from an Anthropological perspective. I ordered them Friday evening and Amazon said they would be at my house by Tuesday, June 7th. Well, it's June 8th and they just now got to Woodstock. Hmmm....not so speedy, Amazon.
Anyway, please check out my novel on Amazon and also on Amazon Kindle. I know some people are more tech savvy and like ebooks better.
Only 6 months a few days until I get married! That fact just hit me today. I will be starting a new job soon, so I will have two jobs. I changed my major so now I only have one class picked out for fall and I am waiting until July 18th to hopefully sign up for some more! I really need more than just one class, even though I am getting married at the end of the Fall semester. Overall, life has been great. My summer classes are going well so far. I have found approximately seven errors with the online Anthropology course that were made by my professor. Don't they train her on how to set up the online quizzes? First, she says they all have unlimited attempts and one random quiz had only five attempts and the final quiz had only one. Next, she was supposed to have the computer only record our highest attempt on the quizzes so that we could earn the max points on the quiz portion of the class grade. Well, so far, the first four quizzes did that and now they are all only recording the first grade you get. I have pointed out every one of these mistakes in very respectful emails to my teacher. I am still waiting on extra credit for saving my class mate's butts :-P Something tells me being observant doesn't always get you extra credit in college, lol.
That's all I got going on for now. Check out my Book on Amazon!
Love,
Julia
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
This is the Last time...
This is the last time I will be switching my major.
For the past two years I have been a couple different majors. It was bio chem first, then management, then english, then sociology, psychology, then english and finally...
Sociology.
I knew I loved sociology when I took it last summer. So why did I switch?
Simple. I didn't think it would make me enough money. Now, I find that both sociology and English are listed as one of the top 20 majors that have the best entry level salary potential upon graduation. Granted, the computer and economics people are in the top 5 so they are way better off than I am, but I am really excited just sticking with what I love.
This is going to be a good thing. The Lord is teaching me to do things for myself and not worry about how much money I will make.
I am pretty happy today. Besides it being extremely warm outside, I am very happy. Maybe I will go swimming again...hmm... :-P
Anyway, my book should be available for order through Create Space in about a week. I am supposed to receive the proof to review and then I can approve the book for sale. It's so exciting!! *jumps up and down like a little girl* The only next most exciting thing that will happen to me this year is getting married!!! I am super excited about that.
Anyway, hope all my readers have a wonderful day.
Love,
Julia
For the past two years I have been a couple different majors. It was bio chem first, then management, then english, then sociology, psychology, then english and finally...
Sociology.
I knew I loved sociology when I took it last summer. So why did I switch?
Simple. I didn't think it would make me enough money. Now, I find that both sociology and English are listed as one of the top 20 majors that have the best entry level salary potential upon graduation. Granted, the computer and economics people are in the top 5 so they are way better off than I am, but I am really excited just sticking with what I love.
This is going to be a good thing. The Lord is teaching me to do things for myself and not worry about how much money I will make.
I am pretty happy today. Besides it being extremely warm outside, I am very happy. Maybe I will go swimming again...hmm... :-P
Anyway, my book should be available for order through Create Space in about a week. I am supposed to receive the proof to review and then I can approve the book for sale. It's so exciting!! *jumps up and down like a little girl* The only next most exciting thing that will happen to me this year is getting married!!! I am super excited about that.
Anyway, hope all my readers have a wonderful day.
Love,
Julia
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