I have not written in awhile...and since then, many things have changed in my life. All I keep telling myself is that I want things to get better. Why? Because no matter how hard I try, I feel that I am not good enough.
Good enough for work? Sure. I just got a promotion and a raise and I get along with everyone at work really well.
Good enough for school? Yep. School has never been a problem for me.
Good enough for my family? of course. They love me no matter what
So who is it that I am not good enough for and by whose standards? Well, for years I have realized that I am not a "good" Christian. Following the faith has been hard for me. I believe in God, but I don't believe in some of the aspects of the Christian religion. Why? Because I have never been popular because of them. I have not been able to relate to many people because of them. I have been "dissed" in a polite, "Christian" way by people I thought were my "spiritual family" because of religion.
Why all this hurt in the name of Christianity? And I am not the only one this happens to.
WARNING: the next things may seem harsh, but I know it needs to be said.
God says the greatest commandment is to Love the Lord your God with all your heart and the second is to love your neighbor as yourself. Does this mean Christianity is a popularity contest? No. Does this mean that you only love the people who believe the exact same thing as you and ignore the "bad" people? No. What good does that do for the Kingdom of God? How would you feel if you were rejected because you aren't Godly enough? I've been told that many times. What about this: you dress too suggestively. Believe it or not, I've gotten that. Oh and there's the: "You go to a public college? Bless your heart, it must be so hard to keep your heart pure with so many non-Christians out there!"
People, please listen to me: DO NOT avoid Non-Christians like the plague!! Did Jesus not tell us in the Great Commission to go unto all the earth and spread the gospel?
Here is the account of the Great Commission from Matthew (ESV):
16Now the eleven disciples went to Galilee, to the mountain to which Jesus had directed them. 17And when they saw him they worshiped him, but some doubted. 18And Jesus came and said to them, "All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. 19Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, 20teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you. And behold, I am with you always, to the end of the age."
Can I tell you all that it says "go unto all nations"? Insert different words here. Go unto all colleges and spread the good news, even if they aren't Christian ones. Go to the homeless shelter and spread the love of Christ even if one of the homeless people says a cuss word. They need to hear the word of the Lord and they will learn that they need to change. It is not our jobs to change them. We just need to share the love of Jesus with everyone, no matter who they are. What about all the downtown ministries? There are prostitutes and drug dealers who have never heard the good news and we are afraid to tell them because they are sinful. Well guess what? Read Romans 3:23
"23for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God,"
I am a sinner, you are a sinner, the KSU students at the hookah bar are sinners. The prostitutes and drug dealers are sinners. We are all sinners in desperate need of the cleansing power of Jesus Christ.
Let me tell you all that I spent way to long trying to judge the hearts of others. However, I have learned that it only causes resentment and bitterness. Because while there is always going to be someone "worse" than you, there will always be someone "better". Pretty soon, being a Christian becomes a contest of who can be the most holy rather than serving God and loving our neighbors. I went to a school where I was told that I needed to avoid certain children because they were not following after God and they did not have pure hearts. How could the teachers and staff look into the hearts of these children? They can't. Only God can. But I thought I could learn to judge people's motives and learn to be better than the unholy children who were never going to amount to anything...until I found out that I was one of those.
My mother was informed at a prayer meeting with the leaders of my school that they were concerned about whether or not I would go to heaven. She said also many of the beautiful, friendly girls who went to the school were being called "Jezebels". I am not saying these things to whine, I am saying them because I want you all to know what I was a part of. Until I knew what these people really thought of me, I was okay with thinking of myself as better than the "Jezebels" because I dressed in clothes 2 sizes too big and never talked to boys. However, even doing that was not good enough for my school.
Recently, I discovered some other people I thought I knew were falling into this trap of thinking they know people's motives. I am guilty of it, too. I realized we were together falling for this mentality that Christians should stay away from the people who will "pull us away from God". However, there is a difference between CONDONING the wrong behaviors of others and CARING and LOVING those people. Love the sinner, hate the sin. Apply this to yourself. Love who God made you to be, but hate the sin in your life. Realize that you are just as much of a sinner as your neighbor who smokes pot and gets into trouble all the time. (I don't know what your neighbors are really like, I was just exaggerating for emphasis).
The reality is: We are all made in God's image. He loves all of us enough to send His son to die for us. Would he do this if only a few good people could get to heaven? No. If there were a few good people who were going to heaven and no one else, there would be no need for Jesus to die on the cross. No, God SO LOVED THE WORLD. He loves all of us equally!! He forgives all sins.
The question is: Can we forgive each other?
Just some thoughts to chew on. I am still trying to interpret my feelings and make sure I am not becoming bitter. My heart just aches to think of the judgmental, overly-religious person I was trying to be in high school and how I totally misjudged some great people because of what my friends told me about them. I never took the time to love on some people who didn't fit the mold and I wonder if I missed the chance at sharing Christ with some people because I was too concerned about how I would look if I hung out with someone "less holy" than me. Religion (make sure you understand I am talking about purely religious self righteousness, not Christianity here) is dangerous. Let God be your righteousness. Let His glory shine through you. Don't try to do it all yourself. After all, if being "the perfect Christian" could get you to heaven, what is the use of God's Grace?
Well, that's all folks! Good night :)
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