I have not written in awhile...and since then, many things have changed in my life. All I keep telling myself is that I want things to get better. Why? Because no matter how hard I try, I feel that I am not good enough.
Good enough for work? Sure. I just got a promotion and a raise and I get along with everyone at work really well.
Good enough for school? Yep. School has never been a problem for me.
Good enough for my family? of course. They love me no matter what
So who is it that I am not good enough for and by whose standards? Well, for years I have realized that I am not a "good" Christian. Following the faith has been hard for me. I believe in God, but I don't believe in some of the aspects of the Christian religion. Why? Because I have never been popular because of them. I have not been able to relate to many people because of them. I have been "dissed" in a polite, "Christian" way by people I thought were my "spiritual family" because of religion.
Why all this hurt in the name of Christianity? And I am not the only one this happens to.
WARNING: the next things may seem harsh, but I know it needs to be said.
God says the greatest commandment is to Love the Lord your God with all your heart and the second is to love your neighbor as yourself. Does this mean Christianity is a popularity contest? No. Does this mean that you only love the people who believe the exact same thing as you and ignore the "bad" people? No. What good does that do for the Kingdom of God? How would you feel if you were rejected because you aren't Godly enough? I've been told that many times. What about this: you dress too suggestively. Believe it or not, I've gotten that. Oh and there's the: "You go to a public college? Bless your heart, it must be so hard to keep your heart pure with so many non-Christians out there!"
People, please listen to me: DO NOT avoid Non-Christians like the plague!! Did Jesus not tell us in the Great Commission to go unto all the earth and spread the gospel?
Here is the account of the Great Commission from Matthew (ESV):
16Now the eleven disciples went to Galilee, to the mountain to which Jesus had directed them. 17And when they saw him they worshiped him, but some doubted. 18And Jesus came and said to them, "All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. 19Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, 20teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you. And behold, I am with you always, to the end of the age."
Can I tell you all that it says "go unto all nations"? Insert different words here. Go unto all colleges and spread the good news, even if they aren't Christian ones. Go to the homeless shelter and spread the love of Christ even if one of the homeless people says a cuss word. They need to hear the word of the Lord and they will learn that they need to change. It is not our jobs to change them. We just need to share the love of Jesus with everyone, no matter who they are. What about all the downtown ministries? There are prostitutes and drug dealers who have never heard the good news and we are afraid to tell them because they are sinful. Well guess what? Read Romans 3:23
"23for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God,"
I am a sinner, you are a sinner, the KSU students at the hookah bar are sinners. The prostitutes and drug dealers are sinners. We are all sinners in desperate need of the cleansing power of Jesus Christ.
Let me tell you all that I spent way to long trying to judge the hearts of others. However, I have learned that it only causes resentment and bitterness. Because while there is always going to be someone "worse" than you, there will always be someone "better". Pretty soon, being a Christian becomes a contest of who can be the most holy rather than serving God and loving our neighbors. I went to a school where I was told that I needed to avoid certain children because they were not following after God and they did not have pure hearts. How could the teachers and staff look into the hearts of these children? They can't. Only God can. But I thought I could learn to judge people's motives and learn to be better than the unholy children who were never going to amount to anything...until I found out that I was one of those.
My mother was informed at a prayer meeting with the leaders of my school that they were concerned about whether or not I would go to heaven. She said also many of the beautiful, friendly girls who went to the school were being called "Jezebels". I am not saying these things to whine, I am saying them because I want you all to know what I was a part of. Until I knew what these people really thought of me, I was okay with thinking of myself as better than the "Jezebels" because I dressed in clothes 2 sizes too big and never talked to boys. However, even doing that was not good enough for my school.
Recently, I discovered some other people I thought I knew were falling into this trap of thinking they know people's motives. I am guilty of it, too. I realized we were together falling for this mentality that Christians should stay away from the people who will "pull us away from God". However, there is a difference between CONDONING the wrong behaviors of others and CARING and LOVING those people. Love the sinner, hate the sin. Apply this to yourself. Love who God made you to be, but hate the sin in your life. Realize that you are just as much of a sinner as your neighbor who smokes pot and gets into trouble all the time. (I don't know what your neighbors are really like, I was just exaggerating for emphasis).
The reality is: We are all made in God's image. He loves all of us enough to send His son to die for us. Would he do this if only a few good people could get to heaven? No. If there were a few good people who were going to heaven and no one else, there would be no need for Jesus to die on the cross. No, God SO LOVED THE WORLD. He loves all of us equally!! He forgives all sins.
The question is: Can we forgive each other?
Just some thoughts to chew on. I am still trying to interpret my feelings and make sure I am not becoming bitter. My heart just aches to think of the judgmental, overly-religious person I was trying to be in high school and how I totally misjudged some great people because of what my friends told me about them. I never took the time to love on some people who didn't fit the mold and I wonder if I missed the chance at sharing Christ with some people because I was too concerned about how I would look if I hung out with someone "less holy" than me. Religion (make sure you understand I am talking about purely religious self righteousness, not Christianity here) is dangerous. Let God be your righteousness. Let His glory shine through you. Don't try to do it all yourself. After all, if being "the perfect Christian" could get you to heaven, what is the use of God's Grace?
Well, that's all folks! Good night :)
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
Wedding "WooHoos" and "Woes"
Planning a Wedding is a lot of work...
However, having a great support team helps quite a bit. First, my grandparents gave Chris and I a trunk full of dishes and kitchen supplies. Chris's parents gave us pots and pans, kitchen utensils, cups, tupperware, and kitchen towels for my birthday. It was great. Also, my grandparents on my mother's side are giving us some of their old furniture. My grandparents on my father's side are helping us pay for the honeymoon and helped us set up a place to stay. (It's really nice. We are also going to Disney :)
I have been working my new job as Shift Manager (in training) at Arby's for three weeks now! I am really enjoying it. It helps because I am making more money which means more money to set aside for wedding stuff and nice washer and dryer for Chris and I's new place. Also, Chris has a job interview this week for a great IT position with a local business. We are praying the Lord will bless us with this.
Now for the Woes:
Trust me, this is not a bunch of complaining, just some rants about stuff I don't understand about wedding planning and vendors, etc...
1. Sales people are crazy some times.
I went to David's Bridal for my wedding dress. The salesperson tried to talk me out of getting the one that I wanted because it was so "plain" compared to some of the other ones I tried. Although they were having a sale that day, some of the others I tried on were super expensive and most of them were itchy and tight and too poufy. I finally just told her that it was my wedding and that I would get the dress I want. When I went in to look at bridesmaid dresses with my bridal attendants, the sales person told us that the dress I had picked out would be discontinued by June 3rd and that all the girls needed to place their order as soon as possible. A month and a few days later, I am on David's Bridal.com and they have the exact same dress in all sizes available for order online. I feel bad about what I put some of my girls through because I believe the salesperson. Even if the Kennesaw David's Bridal were to stop carrying the dress, Davids Bridal's website has it...
2. You Never Win Things from David's Bridal
They tell you when you sign up for David's Bridal that they will enter you in drawings for free dresses, etc. and all that really happens is that they put you on mailing lists for a ton of nationwide vendors eager to charge you an arm and a leg for photography, cakes, honeymoons, and makeovers. That's why I did not check the box when I made an online account that says I want to receive special emails from outside vendors. I get enough from David's as it is. I logged on to the David's Bridal website today and changed my email preference to one that I used in ninth grade. That should keep the emails from flooding into my current email account.
3. Mary Kay Consultants Buy Your Name From David's Bridal
A friend of mine who used to sell Mary Kay told me about this sales ploy devised by local Mary Kay directors when I went to a party for one of my friends who was told she won a Mary Kay makeover party from David's Bridal. My former Mary Kay consultant told me how other consultants can go into David's Bridal and buy 25 names for a price and call all the girls until they get a person to agree to the free "makeover". One thing I know, is everything we did at that party I went to, I did with my former Mary Kay consultants. Those ladies do free facials and color make up appointments all the time. They like to have these bridal party things because they know that new brides want to look good for the wedding and might buy a lot of make up and skincare to prep. I bought a really expensive skin care set at that party that I probably could have gotten from Target or Ulta for much cheaper and it would have worked just as well.
4. Men's Warehouse Sends you an Ungodly Amount of Coupons
They just want to make sure that your groom doesn't forget he can get $40 dollars off every tux in his wedding party and after 5 guys pay their rental fees, his tux is free. I have gotten several of the postcards in the mail and a handful of emails that all have this message. Also, Chris has received a coupon in the mail and his mom receives them by email. Okay, Men's Warehouse, we get it!! We aren't getting married 18 times in a row....we only need one coupon.
5. Everything is More Expensive with the word "Wedding" in the Name
From my experience thus far, bakeries charge a good deal more for wedding cakes than they do regular cakes. Photographers come up with extremely expensive packages for wedding days but they only charge $250 for a whole day of senior pictures. Shoes and accessories are more expensive from bridal stores and bridal websites than they are from regular department stores. It's ridiculous. If you are trying to save money, just buy generic white tablecloths. Don't buy "Wedding" tablecloths, cause I am sure they'll be like $20 a piece! Don't buy your bridal and bridesmaid accessories from a bridal shop. There is this wonderful place called Target and an amazing website called eBay that has tons of wedding stuff for much less. The only places I have found that don't really charge an arm and a leg for wedding supplies and decor are WalMart and Dollar Tree. And some of their stuff looks just as good as ones from the wedding store websites or Michael's or Party City!
That's my wedding rant for the day. Other than these minor issues I ran into, wedding planning is coming along splendidly.
TTFN,
Julia
However, having a great support team helps quite a bit. First, my grandparents gave Chris and I a trunk full of dishes and kitchen supplies. Chris's parents gave us pots and pans, kitchen utensils, cups, tupperware, and kitchen towels for my birthday. It was great. Also, my grandparents on my mother's side are giving us some of their old furniture. My grandparents on my father's side are helping us pay for the honeymoon and helped us set up a place to stay. (It's really nice. We are also going to Disney :)
I have been working my new job as Shift Manager (in training) at Arby's for three weeks now! I am really enjoying it. It helps because I am making more money which means more money to set aside for wedding stuff and nice washer and dryer for Chris and I's new place. Also, Chris has a job interview this week for a great IT position with a local business. We are praying the Lord will bless us with this.
Now for the Woes:
Trust me, this is not a bunch of complaining, just some rants about stuff I don't understand about wedding planning and vendors, etc...
1. Sales people are crazy some times.
I went to David's Bridal for my wedding dress. The salesperson tried to talk me out of getting the one that I wanted because it was so "plain" compared to some of the other ones I tried. Although they were having a sale that day, some of the others I tried on were super expensive and most of them were itchy and tight and too poufy. I finally just told her that it was my wedding and that I would get the dress I want. When I went in to look at bridesmaid dresses with my bridal attendants, the sales person told us that the dress I had picked out would be discontinued by June 3rd and that all the girls needed to place their order as soon as possible. A month and a few days later, I am on David's Bridal.com and they have the exact same dress in all sizes available for order online. I feel bad about what I put some of my girls through because I believe the salesperson. Even if the Kennesaw David's Bridal were to stop carrying the dress, Davids Bridal's website has it...
2. You Never Win Things from David's Bridal
They tell you when you sign up for David's Bridal that they will enter you in drawings for free dresses, etc. and all that really happens is that they put you on mailing lists for a ton of nationwide vendors eager to charge you an arm and a leg for photography, cakes, honeymoons, and makeovers. That's why I did not check the box when I made an online account that says I want to receive special emails from outside vendors. I get enough from David's as it is. I logged on to the David's Bridal website today and changed my email preference to one that I used in ninth grade. That should keep the emails from flooding into my current email account.
3. Mary Kay Consultants Buy Your Name From David's Bridal
A friend of mine who used to sell Mary Kay told me about this sales ploy devised by local Mary Kay directors when I went to a party for one of my friends who was told she won a Mary Kay makeover party from David's Bridal. My former Mary Kay consultant told me how other consultants can go into David's Bridal and buy 25 names for a price and call all the girls until they get a person to agree to the free "makeover". One thing I know, is everything we did at that party I went to, I did with my former Mary Kay consultants. Those ladies do free facials and color make up appointments all the time. They like to have these bridal party things because they know that new brides want to look good for the wedding and might buy a lot of make up and skincare to prep. I bought a really expensive skin care set at that party that I probably could have gotten from Target or Ulta for much cheaper and it would have worked just as well.
4. Men's Warehouse Sends you an Ungodly Amount of Coupons
They just want to make sure that your groom doesn't forget he can get $40 dollars off every tux in his wedding party and after 5 guys pay their rental fees, his tux is free. I have gotten several of the postcards in the mail and a handful of emails that all have this message. Also, Chris has received a coupon in the mail and his mom receives them by email. Okay, Men's Warehouse, we get it!! We aren't getting married 18 times in a row....we only need one coupon.
5. Everything is More Expensive with the word "Wedding" in the Name
From my experience thus far, bakeries charge a good deal more for wedding cakes than they do regular cakes. Photographers come up with extremely expensive packages for wedding days but they only charge $250 for a whole day of senior pictures. Shoes and accessories are more expensive from bridal stores and bridal websites than they are from regular department stores. It's ridiculous. If you are trying to save money, just buy generic white tablecloths. Don't buy "Wedding" tablecloths, cause I am sure they'll be like $20 a piece! Don't buy your bridal and bridesmaid accessories from a bridal shop. There is this wonderful place called Target and an amazing website called eBay that has tons of wedding stuff for much less. The only places I have found that don't really charge an arm and a leg for wedding supplies and decor are WalMart and Dollar Tree. And some of their stuff looks just as good as ones from the wedding store websites or Michael's or Party City!
That's my wedding rant for the day. Other than these minor issues I ran into, wedding planning is coming along splendidly.
TTFN,
Julia
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
Keeping up with Everyone I'm Not...
I am going to be brutally, painstakingly honest in this post. Lately I have been feeling that my life can be considered mediocre at best. From realizing that I am not the best author in the world to getting denied for scholarships because there were others who were more "academically qualified" than me to planning a budget wedding, I find myself wallowing in my own discouragement. I have a strong Choleric side to my temperament (for those of you who do not know temperament lingo, a Choleric is a mover and hates feeling like a failure)and it has manifested itself often for my whole life. I remember telling my parents when I was 10 that I was going to drop out of my dance for the Nutcracker Ballet because I wasn't the best and the teacher kept getting annoyed with me. I felt that she had no right to treat me the way she was and I was sick of being embarrassed in front of my classmates because I could do the dances well enough.
I've always been a type "A" personality. This has caused me a lot of unneeded stress. Who wants to spend their whole life competing with friends and family to have things they will never have and be someone they will never be? Well, that's what I've been trying to do for years. I have never felt good enough by my own standards. Heck, I am not even good enough by the standards of other people (take the scholarship committee at KSU, for example). I realize that to people like my fiancee and my family and friends, I am someone very special. However, I need to learn to be happy with that fact alone and stop trying to make everyone else in the world feel that same way about me. I love having a support system who is always proud of my achievements. Sometimes, they still were not able to convince me to not quit something just because I only got average results. There was a time when I wanted to quit college. I felt that I couldn't master anything and I would never find something I was truly good at. Finally, I found something I love and have a passion for and can also get really good grades in, too. Sociology is a passion of mine and I intend to get a job in that field or relating to that field, even if it is kind of a mediocre job.
In sociological theory, there are two major viewpoints. One is Conflict Theory, which focuses on society teaching that the rich should oppress the poor. There is not much room for middle class in this form of society. I lean more towards the functionalist viewpoint. In a functionalist society, it is necessary to have a low, middle, and upper class. I feel that financially, my family has always been middle class. Technically, my fiancee and I will still be considered on the low end of the middle class financially when we move out because we make more than $18 K a year combined. So we will have a "just okay" yearly salary with a "just okay" little apartment and some "just okay" health insurance and an average sized TV. We won't be nothing special. What's the use in keeping up with the Jones's when the Jones's are people we can never be?
The reality is that Chris (my fiancee) and I play important roles in society. We are both working on college educations, which will improve our salaries and get us better health benefits. We will then be able to buy a house and maybe a new car. We're just two hard working people who are really stubborn. We usually don't give up, even if we aren't the best. And that's what make society work. If everyone who is not the richest or the most powerful member of society gives up, we end up with a small upper class and a huge lower class just waiting for the benevolence of one of the rich guys to help them afford toilet paper. That is not the ideal for society. What I have realized is that I may not be anyone special. I may not be a good enough writer or singer to become famous. I may never earn a doctorate degree or win national recognition for some huge career advancement or achievement. However, God still wants me to keep living and doing the best I can. Why should I try to be the best when God tells me to consider others better than myself? It's not about being the best. It's about loving God and loving others.
One more area in life where I feel mediocre is my wedding. I know that it is going to be one of the most memorable days of my life. I will be ecstatic either way. But I can't help feeling that my good friend who is getting married next year will have a much nicer wedding. I can't help but feeling that my friends who got married last year had better weddings than I will have. So-and-So had or will have a more expensive wedding dress than me, what's-her-name has a bigger diamond on her ring than I do, and the Who's-its are going to have more people at their wedding. Why do women have to be so competitive??? I don't want to be a remake of the movie Bride Wars!! Kate Hudson and Anne Hathaway did good enough as it is...
Sometimes it's just very easy to get caught up in what everyone else is doing. Why should I try to make my wedding be just like someone else's? Better yet, why should go into debt up to my eyeballs in order to have a more expensive, fancier wedding than my friends? That's not what it's all about! It's about me and my fiancee sharing our love for each other and making a commitment to stay together in front of our family and friends. I don't keep to wear a dress shaped like a cream puff and have a diamond as big as a ring pop candy to prove that I am in love. Weddings have become too much of a competition and too much about social status and less about the sacred bond that the bride and groom make with one another. I know that my wedding will be special because it is the day that I leave my mother and father and my groom and I will become one flesh. there's no point in trying to one up anyone, especially not for your wedding.
So, long story short, I am still considering myself average, middle class, slightly mediocre, but fulfilled through God. Having all the prestige and riches in the world could not make me as a happy and satisfied as the love of my Savior. I still want money and I still want to be the best and most popular person I can be, but I am not trying so hard to reach those goals. From here on out, I take things one day at a time and rely on God to fulfill me and let Him lift me up rather than me trying to do so myself. It's funny how God knocks people off of their pedestals. He has done that with me because I often get a little too proud of myself. It may not seem evident to those around me, but it happens. Whether I vocalize it or not, I greatly value personal achievement. However, I value my relationship with God and my relationship with my loved ones enough to stop striving for what I can't have. Climbing to the top of the ladder of success is not worth risking relationships and friendships. Thank God I realized this before it was too late.
There's my very honest blog post! I hope you readers have a great rest of the week!
Love,
Julia
I've always been a type "A" personality. This has caused me a lot of unneeded stress. Who wants to spend their whole life competing with friends and family to have things they will never have and be someone they will never be? Well, that's what I've been trying to do for years. I have never felt good enough by my own standards. Heck, I am not even good enough by the standards of other people (take the scholarship committee at KSU, for example). I realize that to people like my fiancee and my family and friends, I am someone very special. However, I need to learn to be happy with that fact alone and stop trying to make everyone else in the world feel that same way about me. I love having a support system who is always proud of my achievements. Sometimes, they still were not able to convince me to not quit something just because I only got average results. There was a time when I wanted to quit college. I felt that I couldn't master anything and I would never find something I was truly good at. Finally, I found something I love and have a passion for and can also get really good grades in, too. Sociology is a passion of mine and I intend to get a job in that field or relating to that field, even if it is kind of a mediocre job.
In sociological theory, there are two major viewpoints. One is Conflict Theory, which focuses on society teaching that the rich should oppress the poor. There is not much room for middle class in this form of society. I lean more towards the functionalist viewpoint. In a functionalist society, it is necessary to have a low, middle, and upper class. I feel that financially, my family has always been middle class. Technically, my fiancee and I will still be considered on the low end of the middle class financially when we move out because we make more than $18 K a year combined. So we will have a "just okay" yearly salary with a "just okay" little apartment and some "just okay" health insurance and an average sized TV. We won't be nothing special. What's the use in keeping up with the Jones's when the Jones's are people we can never be?
The reality is that Chris (my fiancee) and I play important roles in society. We are both working on college educations, which will improve our salaries and get us better health benefits. We will then be able to buy a house and maybe a new car. We're just two hard working people who are really stubborn. We usually don't give up, even if we aren't the best. And that's what make society work. If everyone who is not the richest or the most powerful member of society gives up, we end up with a small upper class and a huge lower class just waiting for the benevolence of one of the rich guys to help them afford toilet paper. That is not the ideal for society. What I have realized is that I may not be anyone special. I may not be a good enough writer or singer to become famous. I may never earn a doctorate degree or win national recognition for some huge career advancement or achievement. However, God still wants me to keep living and doing the best I can. Why should I try to be the best when God tells me to consider others better than myself? It's not about being the best. It's about loving God and loving others.
One more area in life where I feel mediocre is my wedding. I know that it is going to be one of the most memorable days of my life. I will be ecstatic either way. But I can't help feeling that my good friend who is getting married next year will have a much nicer wedding. I can't help but feeling that my friends who got married last year had better weddings than I will have. So-and-So had or will have a more expensive wedding dress than me, what's-her-name has a bigger diamond on her ring than I do, and the Who's-its are going to have more people at their wedding. Why do women have to be so competitive??? I don't want to be a remake of the movie Bride Wars!! Kate Hudson and Anne Hathaway did good enough as it is...
Sometimes it's just very easy to get caught up in what everyone else is doing. Why should I try to make my wedding be just like someone else's? Better yet, why should go into debt up to my eyeballs in order to have a more expensive, fancier wedding than my friends? That's not what it's all about! It's about me and my fiancee sharing our love for each other and making a commitment to stay together in front of our family and friends. I don't keep to wear a dress shaped like a cream puff and have a diamond as big as a ring pop candy to prove that I am in love. Weddings have become too much of a competition and too much about social status and less about the sacred bond that the bride and groom make with one another. I know that my wedding will be special because it is the day that I leave my mother and father and my groom and I will become one flesh. there's no point in trying to one up anyone, especially not for your wedding.
So, long story short, I am still considering myself average, middle class, slightly mediocre, but fulfilled through God. Having all the prestige and riches in the world could not make me as a happy and satisfied as the love of my Savior. I still want money and I still want to be the best and most popular person I can be, but I am not trying so hard to reach those goals. From here on out, I take things one day at a time and rely on God to fulfill me and let Him lift me up rather than me trying to do so myself. It's funny how God knocks people off of their pedestals. He has done that with me because I often get a little too proud of myself. It may not seem evident to those around me, but it happens. Whether I vocalize it or not, I greatly value personal achievement. However, I value my relationship with God and my relationship with my loved ones enough to stop striving for what I can't have. Climbing to the top of the ladder of success is not worth risking relationships and friendships. Thank God I realized this before it was too late.
There's my very honest blog post! I hope you readers have a great rest of the week!
Love,
Julia
Monday, June 13, 2011
The blinding power of love...
If there is one thing I have learned from my three and a half years of being in a relationship, it's that my wonderful and amazing fiancee is not always perfect. He has had to realize that I am not perfect. Especially in fights/issues that pop up between our mutual friends, Chris and I have had to learn not to be biased toward one another just because we are in a relationship. Nothing bugs me more than the couples who will defend each other to no end and not acknowledge the fact that they are both capable of doing something wrong...
GASP! - you may say. "Are you telling me that my perfect, beautiful, amazing significant other could have done something wrong? That is not possible! They are always just misunderstood by others and it's not their fault."
This is the most destructive thing for a relationship, in my opinion. You need to understand 1. that you are capable of doing something wrong, 2. that your spouse/significant other/fiancee is capable of doing wrong, 3. that you both need to not automatically assume that each other is right when confronted by an outside party about some misunderstanding.
Take for example, a situation between a group of friends. Some of the friends happen to be in a relationship with one another. Chris and I are being told that we are doing wrong but when we are wronged, the other parties involved say:
"Well, my boyfriend could not have done that. Chris is just overreacting!" Or "My girlfriend is a saint and handles her emotions very well. Julia is just having one of those emotional girl episodes and you (Chris) need to control her better."
Can I tell you all that this has happened to Chris and I before? It's childish, it's stupid, and it's really melodramatic. But guess, we all do it. We all get involved in it. No one wants their side of the story to be the one that gets the blame. Unfortunately, there are some personalities who have the charisma to get everyone they love to stand up for them, even when they are wrong. As a child, my parents were not the ones to say:
"My baby would never do that!"
if they got a bad behavior report about me. They would talk to the parties involved, determine what happened, and give me the proper share of the blame. This way, I have learned that in most disagreement, some blame goes to all parties involved.
Please, those of you in relationships out there, don't hurt friendships by constantly defending your significant other. If your loved one does something to hurt one of your mutual friends, realize that there is always more to an argument than what it appears on the surface. Realize that either party in the relationship will be reluctant to take any blame and realize that just because one of the people involved is in a romantic relationship with you, that you don't have to pretend that they did nothing wrong.
Being in a relationship with someone means being able to see the good and bad in the other person and being able to help reinforce the good things and help to reduce the bad traits. It's a mutual thing. I am very against coddling your partner because it tends to drain you, always having to defend them like your their angry parent after they got into a fight with someone on the playground. Treat them as your equal and your friend. You would not let your best friend do something stupid, why would you excuse your significant other's stupid choices? If you are afraid to speak up to your significant other when they are blatantly wrong, then there are other issues going on. You need to know them and trust them well enough that if they are being stupid, you will say something and that you are being stupid, they will say something to you.
Being in a relationship is not about spoiling each other. It's about building each other up and being accountable to one another. Many couples are successfully able to help one another overcome weaknesses and build on strengths. That is what I desire my marriage to be like. That is why I will say that I know I can be stupid and I know Chris can be stupid. However, we can work together to overcome our difficulties. If we are unable to see that each one of us has a capability for being wrong, it will make our relationship and our social life quite complicated.
That is all! I hope that no one took this as a "diss" or "bash". I am not perfect. I am just writing about something I have observed and seen happening in myself and I wanted to share some insight I gained.
Thanks,
Julia
GASP! - you may say. "Are you telling me that my perfect, beautiful, amazing significant other could have done something wrong? That is not possible! They are always just misunderstood by others and it's not their fault."
This is the most destructive thing for a relationship, in my opinion. You need to understand 1. that you are capable of doing something wrong, 2. that your spouse/significant other/fiancee is capable of doing wrong, 3. that you both need to not automatically assume that each other is right when confronted by an outside party about some misunderstanding.
Take for example, a situation between a group of friends. Some of the friends happen to be in a relationship with one another. Chris and I are being told that we are doing wrong but when we are wronged, the other parties involved say:
"Well, my boyfriend could not have done that. Chris is just overreacting!" Or "My girlfriend is a saint and handles her emotions very well. Julia is just having one of those emotional girl episodes and you (Chris) need to control her better."
Can I tell you all that this has happened to Chris and I before? It's childish, it's stupid, and it's really melodramatic. But guess, we all do it. We all get involved in it. No one wants their side of the story to be the one that gets the blame. Unfortunately, there are some personalities who have the charisma to get everyone they love to stand up for them, even when they are wrong. As a child, my parents were not the ones to say:
"My baby would never do that!"
if they got a bad behavior report about me. They would talk to the parties involved, determine what happened, and give me the proper share of the blame. This way, I have learned that in most disagreement, some blame goes to all parties involved.
Please, those of you in relationships out there, don't hurt friendships by constantly defending your significant other. If your loved one does something to hurt one of your mutual friends, realize that there is always more to an argument than what it appears on the surface. Realize that either party in the relationship will be reluctant to take any blame and realize that just because one of the people involved is in a romantic relationship with you, that you don't have to pretend that they did nothing wrong.
Being in a relationship with someone means being able to see the good and bad in the other person and being able to help reinforce the good things and help to reduce the bad traits. It's a mutual thing. I am very against coddling your partner because it tends to drain you, always having to defend them like your their angry parent after they got into a fight with someone on the playground. Treat them as your equal and your friend. You would not let your best friend do something stupid, why would you excuse your significant other's stupid choices? If you are afraid to speak up to your significant other when they are blatantly wrong, then there are other issues going on. You need to know them and trust them well enough that if they are being stupid, you will say something and that you are being stupid, they will say something to you.
Being in a relationship is not about spoiling each other. It's about building each other up and being accountable to one another. Many couples are successfully able to help one another overcome weaknesses and build on strengths. That is what I desire my marriage to be like. That is why I will say that I know I can be stupid and I know Chris can be stupid. However, we can work together to overcome our difficulties. If we are unable to see that each one of us has a capability for being wrong, it will make our relationship and our social life quite complicated.
That is all! I hope that no one took this as a "diss" or "bash". I am not perfect. I am just writing about something I have observed and seen happening in myself and I wanted to share some insight I gained.
Thanks,
Julia
Wednesday, June 8, 2011
Another Shameless Plug for my Novel...and Some other Stuff!
So...if you haven't already heard through my facebook page, you can now buy a paperback copy of my novel, Exceptions, on Amazon.com! If you have an Amazon Prime account, you can get free two day shipping.
I will now be ADD for a minute and vent about Amazon Prime.
I ordered two movies for my Anthropology class this summer that I must view and analyze in a three page paper from an Anthropological perspective. I ordered them Friday evening and Amazon said they would be at my house by Tuesday, June 7th. Well, it's June 8th and they just now got to Woodstock. Hmmm....not so speedy, Amazon.
Anyway, please check out my novel on Amazon and also on Amazon Kindle. I know some people are more tech savvy and like ebooks better.
Only 6 months a few days until I get married! That fact just hit me today. I will be starting a new job soon, so I will have two jobs. I changed my major so now I only have one class picked out for fall and I am waiting until July 18th to hopefully sign up for some more! I really need more than just one class, even though I am getting married at the end of the Fall semester. Overall, life has been great. My summer classes are going well so far. I have found approximately seven errors with the online Anthropology course that were made by my professor. Don't they train her on how to set up the online quizzes? First, she says they all have unlimited attempts and one random quiz had only five attempts and the final quiz had only one. Next, she was supposed to have the computer only record our highest attempt on the quizzes so that we could earn the max points on the quiz portion of the class grade. Well, so far, the first four quizzes did that and now they are all only recording the first grade you get. I have pointed out every one of these mistakes in very respectful emails to my teacher. I am still waiting on extra credit for saving my class mate's butts :-P Something tells me being observant doesn't always get you extra credit in college, lol.
That's all I got going on for now. Check out my Book on Amazon!
Love,
Julia
I will now be ADD for a minute and vent about Amazon Prime.
I ordered two movies for my Anthropology class this summer that I must view and analyze in a three page paper from an Anthropological perspective. I ordered them Friday evening and Amazon said they would be at my house by Tuesday, June 7th. Well, it's June 8th and they just now got to Woodstock. Hmmm....not so speedy, Amazon.
Anyway, please check out my novel on Amazon and also on Amazon Kindle. I know some people are more tech savvy and like ebooks better.
Only 6 months a few days until I get married! That fact just hit me today. I will be starting a new job soon, so I will have two jobs. I changed my major so now I only have one class picked out for fall and I am waiting until July 18th to hopefully sign up for some more! I really need more than just one class, even though I am getting married at the end of the Fall semester. Overall, life has been great. My summer classes are going well so far. I have found approximately seven errors with the online Anthropology course that were made by my professor. Don't they train her on how to set up the online quizzes? First, she says they all have unlimited attempts and one random quiz had only five attempts and the final quiz had only one. Next, she was supposed to have the computer only record our highest attempt on the quizzes so that we could earn the max points on the quiz portion of the class grade. Well, so far, the first four quizzes did that and now they are all only recording the first grade you get. I have pointed out every one of these mistakes in very respectful emails to my teacher. I am still waiting on extra credit for saving my class mate's butts :-P Something tells me being observant doesn't always get you extra credit in college, lol.
That's all I got going on for now. Check out my Book on Amazon!
Love,
Julia
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
This is the Last time...
This is the last time I will be switching my major.
For the past two years I have been a couple different majors. It was bio chem first, then management, then english, then sociology, psychology, then english and finally...
Sociology.
I knew I loved sociology when I took it last summer. So why did I switch?
Simple. I didn't think it would make me enough money. Now, I find that both sociology and English are listed as one of the top 20 majors that have the best entry level salary potential upon graduation. Granted, the computer and economics people are in the top 5 so they are way better off than I am, but I am really excited just sticking with what I love.
This is going to be a good thing. The Lord is teaching me to do things for myself and not worry about how much money I will make.
I am pretty happy today. Besides it being extremely warm outside, I am very happy. Maybe I will go swimming again...hmm... :-P
Anyway, my book should be available for order through Create Space in about a week. I am supposed to receive the proof to review and then I can approve the book for sale. It's so exciting!! *jumps up and down like a little girl* The only next most exciting thing that will happen to me this year is getting married!!! I am super excited about that.
Anyway, hope all my readers have a wonderful day.
Love,
Julia
For the past two years I have been a couple different majors. It was bio chem first, then management, then english, then sociology, psychology, then english and finally...
Sociology.
I knew I loved sociology when I took it last summer. So why did I switch?
Simple. I didn't think it would make me enough money. Now, I find that both sociology and English are listed as one of the top 20 majors that have the best entry level salary potential upon graduation. Granted, the computer and economics people are in the top 5 so they are way better off than I am, but I am really excited just sticking with what I love.
This is going to be a good thing. The Lord is teaching me to do things for myself and not worry about how much money I will make.
I am pretty happy today. Besides it being extremely warm outside, I am very happy. Maybe I will go swimming again...hmm... :-P
Anyway, my book should be available for order through Create Space in about a week. I am supposed to receive the proof to review and then I can approve the book for sale. It's so exciting!! *jumps up and down like a little girl* The only next most exciting thing that will happen to me this year is getting married!!! I am super excited about that.
Anyway, hope all my readers have a wonderful day.
Love,
Julia
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
Wondering If I should keep writing...
So far, my book has been on Amazon Kindle for about 2 days. No sales yet. I have read about those breakthrough authors who made millions selling on Kindle. Well, as my book obviously states, they are the exceptions to a well known fact that most authors never get rich.
Good thing I have a back up plan for my career, right?
Yes, I am very excited to earn my Master's degree in Social Work. I hope to start Spring of 2014. When I realized that authors make very little money and I really don't want to teach English, I knew I had to find something else. It was then that I turned to my other passions in life. One of those passions is encouraging and serving others. What better way to do that then Social Work? I hope to one day work for a center that provides alternatives to abortions for women undergoing an unplanned pregnancy. Being pro-life is something I have always felt should be default for everyone. A baby starts developing as soon as conception occurs. I feel that people who find themselves pregnant with a child they were not prepared to have need to know that there are other ways to handle the situation other than abortion. Specifically, I would love to counsel women who decide to keep their babies and help them discover ways to get back on their feet and provide for themselves and their child.
Anyway, needless to say, I am feeling discouraged about my writing. Since I cannot make any money that way, will I just stop altogether? Is it worth keeping my art if it will not yield a profit? Decisions, decisions, I say. Hopefully, this book will sell something. I am just praying now that anyone who does happen to come across it and download it to their Kindle or i-Pad, etc., will take something away from it after reading. Soon, I will have a print version available. The proof was shipped out to me this morning. It will be for sale on Create Space's webpage (createspace.com) and Amazon.com.
Now, I am getting into the rut in my amazing summer that is called summer school. No, I did not fail a course. I chose to do summer school so that I could take less classes next semester to prepare for my wedding. However, I am dreading the work that summer school entails. I know it won't be extremely difficult, just time consuming. I would rather spend my days working and then coming home to relax. Also, I would like to spend my days off chilling at the pool working on my tan and hanging out with friends. I guess I am learning that balancing work and play is an art form and I need to practice.
One more thing: wedding planning is not easy! To any future brides and grooms out there: be warned. You will spend countless hours creating guest lists, worrying about how you will feed all your guests, staring at online pages adding stuff to a gift registry, and making sure your wedding party all wear the same thing...
My bridesmaids finally got their dresses. Of course I picked a dress that is about to be discontinued in a few days. This made it very stressful on my girls, especially the ones who could not pay for their dress up front. I apologize deeply for being such an inconvienent bride. :-P But, I have been blessed with people who will help me make invitations, decorations, and keep me fron losing my mind.
A mind is a terrible thing to lose. Especially for me. :-P
Here is a link to my book on Kindle. Take a peek if you have an e-Reader. If you don't, stay up on my blog because I'll post a link to the print version.
Peace out,
Julia
Exceptions:
A Novel by Julia Hall
Good thing I have a back up plan for my career, right?
Yes, I am very excited to earn my Master's degree in Social Work. I hope to start Spring of 2014. When I realized that authors make very little money and I really don't want to teach English, I knew I had to find something else. It was then that I turned to my other passions in life. One of those passions is encouraging and serving others. What better way to do that then Social Work? I hope to one day work for a center that provides alternatives to abortions for women undergoing an unplanned pregnancy. Being pro-life is something I have always felt should be default for everyone. A baby starts developing as soon as conception occurs. I feel that people who find themselves pregnant with a child they were not prepared to have need to know that there are other ways to handle the situation other than abortion. Specifically, I would love to counsel women who decide to keep their babies and help them discover ways to get back on their feet and provide for themselves and their child.
Anyway, needless to say, I am feeling discouraged about my writing. Since I cannot make any money that way, will I just stop altogether? Is it worth keeping my art if it will not yield a profit? Decisions, decisions, I say. Hopefully, this book will sell something. I am just praying now that anyone who does happen to come across it and download it to their Kindle or i-Pad, etc., will take something away from it after reading. Soon, I will have a print version available. The proof was shipped out to me this morning. It will be for sale on Create Space's webpage (createspace.com) and Amazon.com.
Now, I am getting into the rut in my amazing summer that is called summer school. No, I did not fail a course. I chose to do summer school so that I could take less classes next semester to prepare for my wedding. However, I am dreading the work that summer school entails. I know it won't be extremely difficult, just time consuming. I would rather spend my days working and then coming home to relax. Also, I would like to spend my days off chilling at the pool working on my tan and hanging out with friends. I guess I am learning that balancing work and play is an art form and I need to practice.
One more thing: wedding planning is not easy! To any future brides and grooms out there: be warned. You will spend countless hours creating guest lists, worrying about how you will feed all your guests, staring at online pages adding stuff to a gift registry, and making sure your wedding party all wear the same thing...
My bridesmaids finally got their dresses. Of course I picked a dress that is about to be discontinued in a few days. This made it very stressful on my girls, especially the ones who could not pay for their dress up front. I apologize deeply for being such an inconvienent bride. :-P But, I have been blessed with people who will help me make invitations, decorations, and keep me fron losing my mind.
A mind is a terrible thing to lose. Especially for me. :-P
Here is a link to my book on Kindle. Take a peek if you have an e-Reader. If you don't, stay up on my blog because I'll post a link to the print version.
Peace out,
Julia
Exceptions:
A Novel by Julia Hall
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